Effective communication - (Be a Good Communicator)

a) Give full attention to people while they are talking to you.
b) Encourage other people to talk, and ask appropriate questions.
c) Present your ideas so that others are receptive to your point of view.
d) Treat people fairly and let others know how you want to be treated.
e) Value teamwork and know how to build cooperation and commitment.
f) Show respect for people's ideas and feelings, even when you disagree with them.
g) Accept differences and conflict as a normal part of any work environment, and know how to address them constructively.
h) Strive to understand other people and to be empathetic.
i) Be open to negative feedback, and communicate difficult truths in a respectful way.
j) Be able to easily win people's trust and respect.
k) Check to make sure you have understood what other people are trying to communicate.
l) Be confident and at ease giving a presentation.
m) Remove barriers that rob people of joy in their work. This will mean abolishing the annual rating or merit system that ranks people and creates competition and conflicts.
n) Avoid making absolutist judgments about people (e.g. 'He/she is always that way.')
o) Follow through on your commitments.
p) Be able to work with people you have difficulties with without becoming negative yourself.

Communicate Effectively

a) Establish rapport with people.
b) Pay attention to people's facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice.
c) See things from the other person's point of view.
d) Adjust your communication style to match theirs.
e) Avoid criticizing, making negative judgments, or saying that the other person is wrong.
f) Show interest in the other person's interests and concerns.


a) Encourage people to talk. b) Show your willingness to listen. Minimize distractions. Attend to the other.
c) Person with your whole body (your body language, eyes, facial expressions).
d) Nod your head and give verbal cues to communicate that you are paying attention.
e) Ask open-ended questions.
f) Listen to what people are trying to communicate, not just to what they are saying. Listen to their emotions. Listen also to what they want.
g) Check to make sure you understand. Use your own words to reflect what you have heard and noticed.


a) Speak with sincerity and conviction.
b) Be sensitive to other people's communication style.
c) Know what you want to accomplish. Do you want people to understand your position? Lend their support? Approve your request?
d) Listen at least as much as you talk.
e) Attune what you say with how you say it. Keep your messages fitting with your tone of voice, facial expression, and body language.


a) Project confidence.
b) Connect with your audience.
c) Keep it short and simple. Most communication can accomplish only one objective, develop three main points, and hold people's attention only so long.
d) Ask for feedback; was the message understood.

Listen Strategically

We can communicate on one or all of four different levels at any given time:
1. Facts
2. Meaning
3. Feelings
4. Intention
The house is burning is a simple, straight-forward statement. But those four words depending on how they are said - may mean:
"A residential structure is being consumed by flames." (Facts)
"The house we are in is on fire." (Meaning)
"Ahhhhh!!!!!!" (Feelings)
"Run for your life." (Intention)
Sometimes we do not understand other people because we are not listening, or we are not listening well. We are destructed or simply are not paying attention. But sometimes we do not understand them because we are not hearing what they want to communicate. We are not listening to the right level.

Win People's Cooperation
1. Make people feel understood

Spend less time trying to make people understand what you want, and more time making them feel understood. In an ideal world people might make decisions, commitments and judgments based on logic and sound reasoning. But in this world people act in response to their preferences, feelings and social influence they might not be even aware of. If they trust you and feel you care about them, they are much more likely to cooperate with you.

2. Find common ground

Show people how their needs, values and dreams mesh with yours. To do so, you have to understand their values and concerns. See things from their point of view. Be sympathetic with their feelings. Then show them how cooperating with you can help them achieve what they want.

3. Listen

Listening is the best way to make people feel understood and at the same time to find common ground. Ask open-ended questions, the kind that invite people's careful consideration and honesty. Try to understand what people mean, without getting hung up on the literal meaning of their words. And acknowledge their thoughts and feelings (which is not the same thing as agreeing with them)

4. Do not argue

The person you defeat in an argument today may be the person whose cooperation you need tomorrow. Arguments make people stake out positions and defend them. And the more you try to prove them wrong, the harder they will resist you. People may feel overwhelmed and stop arguing with you. But that does not mean you have won them over. Most of the time, when you win an argument, you lose an ally.

5. Care about the people you want to influence

If you are concerned about the people you are trying to win over, if you value their needs and dreams, they will know it and they will reciprocate. They will communicate more freely, speaking their mind more openly and listening more attentively. They will give you the benefit of the doubt and they will want to cooperate.

6. Be open for other's ideas

Do not try to impose your ideas on others only. Listen to and value the ideas of the people that work for you or with whom you work together. Be open minded and feel confident with sharing the ideas with others. Even request for new ideas to gain people's support and cooperation.

7. Help people believe the change is possible

People often know, although they will not often admit, that they need to change. They feel a vague uneasiness, sensing that things will not pan out the way they want. But they persist in doing what they have always done, thinking they are doing the best they can. Show them a better way, but more importantly convince them that the change is possible. Do not just give them a solution but offer them confidence.

8. Time your request well

There is a time and season for everything, especially for asking for support. When people are feeling stressed out, anxious, angry, resentful or threatened, they are not really receptive. Do what you can to reassure them and to make them feel safe, and you increase your chances of winning their support. Look for 'moments of influence', times when they feel capable and confident, and make your best case then.


a) Prepare for negotiation.
b) Do not view negotiation as confrontational.
c) Do not try to win at all costs.
d) Do not become emotional.
e) Listen to the other person(s). By listening you might receive information that will help you further in the negotiation.
f) Try to understand the other person.
g) Focus on issues, not personalities.
h) Do not blame the other person.
i) Use questions to find out what the other person's concerns and needs might be.
j) When you hear the other person express their needs or concerns, use listening responses to make sure you heard correctly.
k) State your needs and the reasons.
l) Prepare options beforehand. Anticipate why the other person may resist your suggestion, and be prepared to counter with an alternative.
m) Do not argue.
n) Aim at win-win situation not a compromise.
o) Consider timing.

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